Bad start to the new year!

I haven't been able to post for a while as I've had quite a terrible time of it. I had some free time so me and the wife decided to go camping, this was a huge mistake! I suppose if we all had the benefit of hind site life would be easier, less eventful, but easier. We went to Scotland, to the Campsie Fells which contain some stunning scenery . We set up and all was well, I had plenty of Ribena, 12 Mars bars, 17 packs of crumpets and 4 blocks of Cathedral cheese, there was a little snow but we had 2 sleeping bags each.

We settled in for the night, I had a litre of Ribena, 4 crumpets with cheese on and 2 Mars bars. I suffer with post consumption narcosis so I was out for the count quite early in the night. I woke at around 4:30 am, the tent had a foul stench, it seemed to be lingering under my nose, 30 seconds of investigation revealed the smell was coming from my sleeping bags! It seemed the cheese gave me quite a good bit of flatulence, I managed to get back to sleep though, even with watering eyes.

Day 1
We woke up for the day at about 8:00 am, it was still pitch black. I tried to open the tent to go and urinate, thats when the trip turned sinister.......

We were well and truly snowed in! I tried pressing on the roof of the tent with my deceptively powerful arms, I estimated that we were covered by about eight foot of snow! I didn't panic as I was highly trained for that kind of situation, I had a 2 week stint in the scouts as a child you see. 4 hours passed and the urge to empty our bladders became too strong. I bore a small hole in the floor of the tent with my pen knife and we went about our business.
Another 2 hours passed and we grew quite hungry. Knowing we could be here for the long haul I decided to ration the food. We had 1 crumpet each with cheese then shared a Mars bar and half a litre of Ribena.6 hours later we did the same, then overcome by tiredness and boredom we went to sleep....

Day 2
Pretty much the same as day 1. I did recount quite an amusing story to my wife about a hen and a pig, my wife laughed fairly quietly, apart from that nothing happened.

Day 3
Same again, I told the story again, it only raised a grin this time though.

Day 4
Same day, same story, My wife gave no reaction to it this time though.

Day 5
Same day, same story. My wife slapped me hard across the face and shouted "shut up Eddie you f***ing idiot" I don't know how being told a story about a hen pecking a pigs foot could have provoked such a strong reaction, thats when it hit me, she had cabin fever!! I saw this in a movie and knew I didn't have much time left if I was going to survive...

I took out my pen knife and shredded through the entrance to the tent, I was then confronted by my own stupidity. There was indeed a lot of snow around, several feet in fact. And there was a lot of it on top of the tent. The reason I couldn't get out though wasn't because of all the snow after all, it was because the zip was stuck!! If I had used my knife in the first place we wouldn't have endured 5 days stuck in the tent, and more importantly my story would not have got old.

I eventually found our car, and after 30 minutes of clearing the snow I tried to start it up. It wouldn't work though. The thought of spending another night in the tent with my wife, who was fully gripped by cabin fever, was enough to persuade me to hike through the snow to find help. I hiked through blizzard conditions for what seemed like hours, checking my watch revealed I'd only been gone 12 minutes! I returned a defeated man, repaired the tent the best I could and settled in for another night.

Day 6
At 8.00am I tore my way out of the tent again and set off determined to find civilization. I walked for 4 hours and finally found life!! A lovely pub called The Barnacles Ear. I told them my dilemma and they agreed to help.As it happened the owners brother owned a snow plow, 30 minutes later I was back at my tent. We collected all our stuff and returned to the pub.
It wasn't until I'd had a shower that I realized 2 of my toes were black with frost bite, There was no way of getting to a hospital that day so we spent the night at the pub.

Day 7
The weather finally relented and I was able to get to a hospital. To spare you the grisly details I will keep my tale of the hospital visit brief. I lost 2 toes and suffered hypothermia, my wife just suffered hypothermia and mild womans whiplash, the whiplash occurred after she had attacked me on day 5.

Day 10
Thats today, and we finally got home! we spent 2 nights in the hospital and caught the train home this morning. Its so good to be back, my wife is barely speaking to me but she'll eventually see the funny side.I'm walking with quite a severe limp at the moment, I expect that will subside when i get used to having 3 toes on my left foot. I know I promised my artwork in my last post but that will have to wait a day or 2, until I find my feet again.

Stay safe
Warm Regards
Eddie

Merry New Year

Just a quick post to wish everyone a merry new year! Hope you all had a happy Christmas as well.

In the coming days I will be showcasing some off my art! The first piece will be "Insincere thumb on a stick". I hope you are looking forward to it, I know I am.

Keep safe
Yours without wax
Eddie Gomez