Alien abduction is not funny!

Sorry its been a while since I last posted anything. I was, quite rudely I might add, abducted by aliens last year.
I'd been working on something I called "TWENTY FIRST CENTURY JAZZ SCAT". It is completely different to other music using Non-lexical vocables, and I had a really good feeling about it. Maybe that's why the aliens abducted me? It could have revolutionised the music industry!

Anyhow, I was sitting on the patio in my back garden, it was a reasonably satisfying 12 degrees centigrade. My throat had become a little dry with the powerful scatting I had been performing so I was drinking a bottle of crabbies (alcohol infused ginger beer) which I was thoroughly enjoying. It was only my twelfth bottle so I was still very much of sound mind.
That's when I heard the sound, a sound I'd heard years before and knew I would hear again.
An alien spacecraft was descending into my back garden! This would startle most people, not me though. Regular readers will know I have a withered finger as a result of an alien spacecraft many years ago.
What did surprise me though was the fact that the spacecraft appeared to be the very same one I'd encountered years back! It had some yellow tape crudely plastered over a hole I'd made when I threw a rock at it. That may sound unreasonable, but if a spaceship withers your finger you would naturally throw a rock at it.

I was quite prepared for this though, as I had been working on my "TWENTY FIRST CENTURY JAZZ SCAT" I had my Bontempi Keyboard with me. In the late seventies I had seen a documentary called Close Encounters of the Third Kind, so I knew I had to play the right combination of five musical notes to communicate with it. Now maybe it was the Crabbies, maybe it was the "TWENTY FIRST CENTURY JAZZ SCAT" or maybe a combination of the two, but when I came to play the five notes a sudden and uncontrollable jazz spasm enveloped me! I was firing jazz at the spacecraft from all angles!!

This must have upset the aliens, because the next thing I know I'm being pulled by an invisible force towards the spacecraft. There was no door on the spacecraft, I just sort of "passed through" the exterior walls. Whilst on board I suddenly realised that my wife wasn't with me, so I told the aliens (which I couldn't see at this point) that my wife was in the bath, and if they took me without her she would be vey upset with me! They obviously understood, suddenly out of nowhere my wife appeared, all naked and wet, just like the 85lb carp I caught back in the summer of 82.

After explaining to my wife why she was there, that I didn't want her to miss the experience, she punched me in the throat, twice!! She is very powerfull my wife, thats why I have no shame in admitting that I lost consiousness for three days.

When I finally woke up I could hear the aliens, but I still could not see them. They sounded like Barry White would if he was underwater. I decided I should keep a record of the abduction, so I wrote a diary on my legs and arms using a short hand I developed in the early eighties. Once Ive translated it back I will be publishing the diary, it should make for an interesting read.

To read the full details of my time on the spacecraft you will have to wait for the diary to be published. Tomorrow I will post the details of my escape.

láska k vám a vy
Eddie