yuletide bereavement, sigh....

I haven't been able to update for a while as I have suffered a bereavement. Bereavements are hard any time of year, but Christmas day seems especially hard. I woke up at 5.00am, came down stairs to make a coffee, that's when I found Julian, limp and lifeless in the corner of his fish tank. He was a proud and strong balloon molly, he had such a powerful dorsal fin and a beautiful face, he looked a lot like Julian Clary, hence the name Julian.
As if that wasn't bad enough, the day got progressively worse.....

When it came time to open the presents all thoughts of Julian briefly vanished. My wife came into the living room holding a fairly large box, my eyes lit up, its the projector I've been after, I foolishly thought! I opened it to be confronted with a radio alarm clock! I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I'm pretty sure it was the free gift from my isp, the one I wrote about the other week. All was not lost though, she also bought me some engraved fork handles. They read "Eddy" instead of "Eddie", you can't win them all I suppose.

I bought my wife a £70.00 saddle of mutton, which I wrapped about ten days before Christmas. When she opened it the rotting flesh burnt my eyes, in my haste to rinse them I used the bucket of water I had put Julian in!! My vision was cloudy for about 20 minutes, but i can see alright now so no harm done. I also gave her a pearl necklace, the look on her face when she received it made up for my earlier disappointment.

My wife is Czechoslovakian, so she insists on having goose for Christmas dinner. This isn't so bad in itself, but she serves it guts and all, my constitution was bending under the strain of intestines and the like. She then served some kind of pudding, I still don't know what it was! It did contain a lot of sour milk and sour cream, again this is because she is Czechoslovakian. I noticed a little later my neck had swollen a couple of inches.

After dinner the dishwasher broke, water started pouring all over the floor! It was also emitting a strange smell, it smelled a bit like the rotting mutton from earlier in the day. After an extensive mopping session all that was left to do was bury Julian. He had grown too large to fit in a match box, he was the size of a eunuch's toe, I know these are large because I'm often visited by a eunuch called Vincent, he often sings me to sleep, he has such a soothing voice. I ended up constructing a coffin from the cats shelf in the garage, I then buried him whilst playing a song that was on classic FM, using my new radio alarm clock.

It had been an emotional day, I'm left feeling guilty about Julian's death. I have been studying noetic science for the last 2 years, this has left me convinced I could communicate with my fish. Perhaps my powerful human thoughts became to much for Julian's tiny fish brain? I just don't know.
I have just had a lovely piece of quiche though, and look forward to the new year with renewed hope and vigour.....